Yesterday evening while we were all out in the front yard (cause we are still getting cleaned up for sod) we saw a couple from our neighborhood that has young kids like ours. We had met them before but it was mostly in passing. Well we stopped and chatted with them a bit cause you know, we like to be neighborly. While we were chatting their cute-as-a-button 3 year old girl was being very sweet and fun. Then all of a sudden she totally hit and was trying to push Justus. Thankfully Justus is a big kid and well-mannered (if not at the doctor at least in all other public places) so he didnt retaliate. The parents didnt really react. Then Justus and the girl started running together down the sidewalk which I found totally acceptable and fun. But then it happened again and again - the little girl kept pushing Justus. As moms, you know we are always watching. The Dad then said that this is what she does for attention and they just ignore it. He said they really arent bad parents, they just feel this is the best way to handle it. My jaw wanted to drop! I couldnt believe he was saying that. Im thinking "Really? Thats the best way??" Am I crazy? Is this really normal? Im thinking that Baby 101 is either move the object or move the baby. And if you cant move your kids play partner, shouldnt you remove her - like in a time-out?? I mean really? Does my kid have to just sit there and take it if your kid is trying to get attention?? So when we were done visiting, which I did call Justus over to me to keep him out of harms way, I told Justus that if someone hits him to tell them to "Stop, youre hurting me!" in a really loud voice. And then I also told him he could tell them "Thats mean." I dont know if that part is right...but gracious, he doesnt need to sit there and take it! I know our kids dont always act like perfect angels, but shouldnt the parents acknowledge it and then punish it if it persists?
So am I crazy?? You other moms out there...what do you think? How would you have handled it??
6 comments:
Wow. As you've already read, I feel horrible when my child does something to another, and I'm almost too hard on him to make up for it. I can't imagine just ignoring it! There's a difference between acknowleding the situation and not letting the behavior continue, and giving the child negative attention. Obviously these parents were only giving negative attention and haven't yet figured out that, yes, you still need to acknowledge and address the situation. When their child gets to school and is sent home a few times for hurting other children, they'll figure out really fast that they can't just "ignore it" and hope it goes away. Good for you to talk to Justus about it. Again, wow.
And I just realized that I spelled "acknowledge" incorrectly in the beginning of my comment. I was just too outraged to stop and proofread, apparently! :)
You are not crazy, Kells. Who does this?? These people must be aliens, what planet are they from, you think??? I would suggest no play dates with them. They need prayer (and a huge dose of common sense). Where did they get their parenting ideas from? You instructed Justus really well. You and Neil are great parents!!
Love you muchly!
You are right, Kelly. It is our responsibility as parents to keep our kids under control. Doesn't it make you so thankful for your kids & the way they behave?!? Me, too!!!
Oh geez! I can't even believe that! You are not crazy. All of my suggestions would come across as being very rude, so I will refrain. However, I do think that it is absurd that they would allow their child to hit another innocent child and say they are "ignoring" it.
Ditto what Ann-Marie said. I've had uncomfortable moments like those with our new neighbors. I say, it's okay to address the little girl yourself if she's hurting your son. I knelt down, eye to eye, with one kid and told him that hitting wasn't very nice, how it hurt Reagan and that if he was going to do that Reagan wouldn't be able to or want to play and the parents were standing right there. They didn't even blink, in a weird way I think they were thankful because they didn't know what to do in that situation. Now that kid knows when he is around us or at our house that behavior doesn't fly.
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